It's been a month..

Looking back, his death is still sudden as ever. He entered the hospital fully aware of his surrounding, lucid, and even a little grumpy. Within a few days, he became unconscious and things went downhill very fast. The drama in his last moments is similar to that of movies. The monitor beeping, heart rate flat-lining and going all haywire, BP dropping and everyone in tears calling out to him. Unlike in movies, no medical officer or nurse came. The doctors got one of the sons to sign a document saying we should not resuscitate and it seems it signs away all their responsibility during the last hour. The doctor in charge was called but only reminded us what we signed, nurses steer clear of our room, only to send an MO (Medical officer) who came too late and knew nothing of his condition. It makes me wonder why are we in the hospital in the first place, I'd imagine it was to keep him alive during crucial moments like this where we have no idea what to do. How wrong was I. I looked at my husband and told him, "Never let me die in a hospital".

Funeral is for the living, and not the dead. These words are from my sister and how true. Nonetheless we are amazed by the people my father in law touched, stories we never heard, friends who came from a far and old neighbours who tracked us down after seeing the obituaries. Even though my father in law didn't leave instructions on he wanted things to be but I'm so very proud of him. During his sickness, he dug deep into his savings, making sure he paid us back whatever we helped him purchase. Even when we didn't ask, he wrote us a cheque once in a while to help pay off what he used during this sickness. After his death, we realised he had insurance he didn't utilise, those paid for the funeral in full. We donated the offerings we received during the funeral to his church which he attended for over 40 years. I can't believe in his death he did not burden anyone of us and is still a blessing in his very own way.

As time goes by, we needed to clear the many items that remind my mother in law of the sickness he went through. I went through his medication and managed to get a refund for those that they could sell and the chemist helped me donate the rest he couldn't sell to the hospital. The oxygen tank, concentrator and other medical equipment was given back to the shop who sold it to us so she could help us donate to needy families who come by her shop for equipments. We realised not all charity organisations need the same things. Some only need beds, some only need wheelchairs so we realise the best way was to leave it with someone we could trust to know who needed what and help us give or sell it away. I'm so glad to have met people during this journey who helped us and became sincere friends along the way. The private nurses, the different chemist I got to know so well and the sisters who sold medical equipments. God bless them as they continue to touch families like ours.

After the funeral, the family got closer together and it saddens me to see why it took his death for individuals to realise that nothing is unforgivable, nothing is worth staying angry over and not everything needs to be fair. If only he was around to see everyone at home, sincerely happy to see each other and putting others before themselves for once. I guess it's true, funeral and weddings brings people together. I just hope it last.

Psalm 23:4

King James Version (KJV)

⁴ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.