Lost of bowel control

I believe this is the hardest and most humiliating for my FIL. He needs help with the most personal thing in life.. using the toilet. He has a urinal bottle next to him for peeing.. and a toilet chair for pooing. He needs help just to bring the urinal bottle to his hands so he can use it. One of the problem with IPF is that it weakens your heart and as a result, causes your feet and ankle to swell. To help reduce the water retention, he is given a diuretic medication which makes him pee a lot. This makes it very inconvenient for him. Many times, just being out of breath alone causes him to wet his pants.

Poo is another issue. He either has difficulty controlling his bowel, ending up soiling his pants or he has difficulty getting it out... needing an enema. Similarly, being out of breath can result in accidents. We try to let him go to the toilet chair at the same time everyday, hoping to help him train his bowel to go at the same time everyday. Going to the toilet chair, he needs to be hoist up and move to the toilet chair next to him.

We bought him adult diapers but it is something he has to decide if he wants to use. So far it remains unopened. Even though it takes more time helping him change and clean up (something my mother in law does) but not using the diapers also mean he is making effort to control his bowels and less chances of getting sores on his buttocks.

Being mentally alert and fully aware of the humiliation and the reliance on people around him is something I find it hard to see him go thorough. I keep at a distance whenever he needs to go, just to give him as much personal space and save him from the humiliation. At the end of the day, I'm only his daughter in law and at this point he is not ready for me to help him with this aspect. He lets me know when I need to look away.

Understanding this sickness and seeing how hard things are for my FIL, I have never seen him shed a tear, be angry at God, ask 'why him?', shout at any of us, complain or show his frustration. I truly respect him for this.